You can overcome workplace trauma
About six months ago during a connection call, a client shared updates on their awesome new job. We worked together during the search, so it was great to hear about “finally having a supportive manager who is empathetic, inclusive, and extremely competent.” But it was also challenging for my client to relax and accept that things really were good. We began working on the lingering harm left by a very toxic manager. This is trauma and overcoming workplace trauma is not always easy.
According to the U.S. Department of Justice, my client is not alone.
Recent surveys of workplace suggests that another form of violence, emotional abuse, is more frequent, has similar effects as physical, sexual, and racial violence, and yet appears to be more socially acceptable. Emotional abuse refers to the hostile verbal and nonverbal behaviors that are not explicitly tied to sexual or racial content yet are directed at gaining compliance from others.
United States Department of Justice
Symptoms of workplace abuse can vary with impacts that linger until addressed. Some prevalent behaviors in abusive work environments include: bullying, withholding, shutting down, dismissing, or making threats (no matter how cheeky or funny they seem). Toxic environments can create trauma for people being directly abused and witnessing the treatment of other people. So even if you see it, but don’t get directly involved — you are involved.
People can greatly suffer from psychological abuse by their supervisor, with consequences ranging from increased levels of depression, emotional exhaustion and anxiety to insomnia, problem drinking, and reduced satisfaction with life.
PROFESSOR BIRGIT SCHYNS – NEOMA BUSINESS SCHOOL, ROTTERDAM SCHOOL OF MANAGEMENT (RSM) AT ERASMUS UNIVERSITY
This is devastating but not surprising. Toxic work environments negatively impact physical and mental health. The effects often extend to other parts of employees’ lives and can last long after leaving. I can’t overstate this: if you are in a toxic, emotionally abusive, or traumatic work environment, no time is too soon to leave.
But how do you cope until you can get out?
It’s much harder to thrive in an environment where you are in survival mode. Here are some tips you can use today.
Get support immediately: A therapist, coach, or other trustworthy individual can help you process through confidential conversations that are protected and won’t be shared until you’re ready.
Keep a journal: This goes beyond HR documentation; you need a place to process your feelings and experiences. Document how you think about your traumatic workplace or coworkers. Note what you’re doing when you start thinking/talking about them. What is the night before work like? What about two days before?
Develop an escape plan: This can be challenging to do alone, which is why many people stay in unhealthy work environments so long. A support team can help you consider options and plan your exit. A coach or external HR professional is invaluable in this endeavor.
Protect your mindset — You can’t control what happens outside of you, but you can choose how to think about it. Again, a coach or mentor can support you in maintaining your perspective. This is extremely important when looking for new positions so you can do more than escape, you can excel.
Protect yourself professionally — Reevaluate your boundaries with your time, your conversation and your relationships. Not everyone who chats with you is for you. Also, be intentional about protecting your brand by controlling your own narratives.
How to overcome workplace trauma after you’ve left?
Continue working on your mindset. You are no longer there, so you’ll need to remove the scales from your eyes. You may still be prickly and that’s ok to acknowledge. You may even have habits that need to be purged.
Create a vision. Think about and write down what the new normal could be for yourself. Use intentions or affirmations since your reflexes are based on trauma and survival mode.
Forgive yourself. Many people think they should hold themselves accountable for “letting” someone do something bad to them. This is not productive. Work through shame and let it go. This includes working through should-haves, if-only, and wish-I-had. This is an important step toward building trust with yourself again.
Share smart. Let your new supervisor, and other new leaders know how excited you are about learning new ways to think and engage. Tell them you are looking forward to unlearning anything that no longer serves you. This is especially important in the first 60 days. Don’t rehash or replay your old story. When it’s time to share it, you’ll know. And if you still need someone to unpack with, go to the next item…
Stay in touch with your support system. You will benefit from continuous support to work through your baggage efficiently. You can do it alone, but why? You’ll thrive and grow faster in your new role when you effectively purge the old mindset. I invite you to schedule time with me or another qualified, ICF certified coach to unpack that baggage and toss what does not serve you.
Abusive or toxic workplaces are bad for everyone. They affect trust, creativity, productivity, and how employees relate to each other. Instead of bringing their brightest energy and being engaged, employees in toxic workplaces spend significant emotional and energetic resources on self-preservation protection scenarios. This is similar to how people respond to emotional abuse in personal relationships.
The effects caused by one horrible boss, an abusive team, or a toxic work culture can be long-standing. But it’s possible to enjoy work again with support and a plan. I know you can do it.
References: